June 24, 2010

Forever moments

Posted in kids, thoughts of mine at 7:43 am by ammiejo

Tonight I was sitting on the couch watching the Princess at the computer desk. She had a piece of paper and pencil and she was watching Sid the Science Kid on Netflix. (I’m not being paid by Netflix or Sid the Science Kid for what it’s worth, but I LOVE the streaming movies on the computer and now through the Wii! It is so awesome and if you haven’t you really should try it. okay…advertisement over) She was drawing away and looking up every now and then at the show. It struck me first how long her hair was, it touches her waste now. How she is holding the pencil like a big girl and how her shoulders and back are more little girl, than baby. And then my eyes kept going and I noticed how long her legs were and that her little feet were almost touching the floor. (she was sitting at the very edge of the chair, leaning forward.) And for some reason, the thought of her tiny newborn body laying in my arms came to my mind. There she was, fresh and new all over again. Sweet newborn scent and all. And then, here she is, telling me she’ll be “this many” and holding up all five fingers, on her birthday. I’m not sure where the past 4 and 1/2 years have gone, it’s certainly snuck by me.

I’m just in awe of who she is now and wonder who she will be. I try to imagine the person she’ll become. Will she always be this bossy? I hope she’s always this determined, but that she lets the Lord direct her ways. Will she always be so quick to smile and kiss my face? I pray that she’ll always have laughter in her eyes. Will she always drive her brothers crazy or will she one day ask for their advice about the boy she has a crush on? I hope she’ll always know how perfectly God created her.

I’m trying to seize these moments. The things she says, the way she looks, smells, and tilts her head. Her laugh and the things that make her giggle. I don’t want her to stay this age forever, but I want to remember these moments forever. So I’m remembering…and I’m feeling a little sappy. Overwhelmed by my blessings, thankful beyond all measure for them.

Collecting forever moments.

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May 11, 2010

Mother Daughter banquet devotional

Posted in devotional, thoughts of mine at 10:44 pm by ammiejo

Every year our church has a mother daughter banquet on the Saturday before Mother’s day. It’s such a sweet thing. We have dinner, dessert, and someone or a few someones give a devotional. This years theme was How sweet it is…and I was one of those someone’s this year. I thought and I prayed and all I could think about was how blessed I am to be a Mom.

And every year on the exact same day, is the kid’s state Youth competition. They compete in Bible categories, music; singing and playing instruments, drama, puppets, preaching, art, and sign language. Way too many categories to name! So we are always in a hurry! As soon as the awards are finished we rush back home. Did I mention that the competition always takes place a little over 2 and a half hours from our home church? This year there were 72 more entries than last year… It’s always a rush to get back on time…

We waited. Our boys still had one more thing they were involved in and we did not want to miss it. But I had promised to speak and if we didn’t leave soon, I wouldn’t make it. At least not without breaking lots of laws… What’s a mom to do? So I called my mom. For some reason I had saved my speech in my yahoo mail account. It’s not something I would normally do, but I did. I asked her to print out my devotion and read it for me. It wasn’t the same as ME being there and giving it, but I wasn’t letting down the lady who had asked me to speak either. AND most importantly I wasn’t letting my kids down…which is the whole point of it anyway.

So, I thought I would share my speech/devotional with you. It’s the first time I’ve ever done anything like this so be kind. 😉

Before I had children, I knew my mom loved me. After I had kids, I knew how much my mom loves me. I had a new appreciation for that love. But it wasn’t until I was saved, that I understood the depth of God’s love for me.

Psalm 127:3-5 3 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. 4 As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. 5 Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them:

I’ve always wanted a big family. When I was little that number was 5. I think it’s because both my mom and my dad came from families of 5. When Stacy and I talked about how many children we wanted, it was always 6. Although we both said we would take a dozen if that was God’s plan. When I first found out that I was expecting Brennen, I prayed for a little boy. And God gave us Brennen. I think I prayed a little too hard because then he blessed us with another boy, Benjamin. And another boy, Brason. When we found out we were expecting another baby, we were so excited. I won’t say I knew she was a girl. I wasn’t. I hoped for pink dresses and frilly socks, but I knew God’s plan was perfect. I just really wanted Him to agree with my plan…and then there she was! The tech was 99% sure that she was a girl and still all I got out of the deal was a pair of little girl booties!

They are all blessings from God. They are my heritage. I know that God loves me, but He loves me so much that He gave me this heritage. Blessings like no other. They bring me Joy. I delight in being part of God’s plan for them. God designed me to be their mother and He designed them perfectly for me. He chose me for them. Wow! I’m always amazed when I look back at my life and I see how perfect God’s plan is. It’s usually not the one that I would have chosen for myself, but it’s infinitely better than anything I had in mind.

An archer in the army was happy to have his quiver full of arrows. It meant that he could fight for whatever he was there for. I think of raising my children to be arrows. Sharpened with God’s word, living life on a straight path that God has planned for them. And my quiver is full. Well, my hands are, that’s for sure.

And I’m happy about that. Joyful! And blessed. I love when one of the boys snuggles beside me on the couch, or 2, 3 or all 4 of them try to squeeze in beside me. I love when they find me watching them and they tilt their head, grin, and say…”What?” I love the “What if… questions that my oldest is so fond of, even if my answer most of the time is…I don’t know, let’s look that one up. I love that my middle son is halfway between boy and young man right now. And I see more of the young man he is becoming. I love the boyish energy and determination of my youngest son. And I love the determined, strong willed, joyful, sweet, sassy princess.

They bring me joy, but they don’t belong to me. Not really. Even though God has give them to me as family. We all belong to Him. We are His heritage. His Joy.

February 13, 2010

Peace

Posted in life, thoughts of mine at 12:13 am by ammiejo

Philippians 4:6-7 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

This time of year is always hard for me. I hadn’t realized that before. But in looking back through my prayer journals (hand written ones) I noticed this pattern. I start doubting my choices of homeschooling, staying at home, of just being who I know God has called me to be. My patience is thin and my attitude tends toward the really stinky negative side. I draw inside myself. I would rather stay at home than go out socially. I have trouble sleeping. I tend toward the emotional. But if I can just hold on for a bit longer…until March or April, I’m fine. But these first couple of months of the year are just hard. They just are.

I’ve also noticed that during this time, I pray more. A bit because I’m desperately seeking a way out of how I feel inside. But more because I know where my peace comes from. I know what the Source is.

The question “Do you believe in ghosts?” from last Fridays Five Question Friday by Mama M really sparked some conversations in our home. It was during one of those conversations I remembered the verse Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. And I used this verse to talk to our boys about that question. But it stuck in my head and it made me think of the struggle that I am dealing with. I don’t want to lessen how I feel, but I don’t want to give it that much weight either.

So that’s what I’m dealing with right now. It feels unbelievably heavy, but I know the God who gives me peace. And so I’ll keep my heart and mind on Jesus Christ.